it's somewhat a risk that i'm letting it be. a risk that i might regret. regret that i chose this path.

i remember a previous post where i felt very ballsy, so ballsy in fact that i thought i would be able to tell him how i felt. but now, i think about it again, and i wonder.. will i be ballsy enough when the time actually comes? i highly doubt it, but we never do know sometimes. and maybe sometimes, we actually overcome it. all in due time. patience is a virtue. bear with it.

i hate it when people make me feel so unbearably small. so small in fact all i wanna do is shut my ears and close out every damn thing around me. i don't like this feelin, that i'm made used of, and that i'm not good enough, and that i get jacked by my friends' comments over and over again. it's extremely saddening, and discouraging. i need to find a hole to hide in.

oh on a perfectly random sidenote, The Ellen Degeneres show is gonna be shown on CHANNEL 5! finally! i love her deadpan remarks, dry humour, and quick wit. makes for extremely GOOD TV!

yes, and to end off a perfectly mundane and shitass boring monday, there's Grey's Anatomy!
Mcdreamy's always a saviour. -swoons-
world cup hunks are not gonna distract me from dreaming about mcdreamy!

i went out with my sister and mum today, and i felt very numb, which explains why i don't seem to care anymore. it makes no difference.
i mean, there actually is a huge difference in the distance, but.. i just don't seem to feel anything. no elation, no sense of euphoria, not even a tinge of excitement. oh no, i sound terribly cold blooded. i think it's just the fact that i'm numb. immune.
but you know what? i'll still be here, even though i don't seem to be sometimes, at the back of my mind, i'm still here.

i don't understand the gibberish i just said, don't mind me. x)